Today, I decided to pen down something that is very personal to me. Like, most you who is reading, life has not been easy nor was bad until now. I had my share of bad days few years back and very good days most of the time for which I am very thankful to God and people close to me. But now the dark days are back and I am sinking emotionally, for something in the family is not all well at all. Unfortunately, the reason is something that cannot be shared and I apologize. And we (my husband and me) are trying our best to fight the situation to our favor, only to know that each nerve biting moment is turning against us, leaving disappointed. We are the biggest support to each other and at times I breakdown or sometime he is low. Yet, either of us consoles each other. I firmly believe that we are a strong couple who do little planning, enjoy life by not sticking only to work and give the best time to our 5 year old son. I know we have taken care not to take too much risk in whatever decisions we take.
Our planning, I realized especially during this rough patch has never been fruitful. Every bit has gone waste leaving me with little hope, though we anticipate that the next step is all going to be the way we want. But, it appears like God has completely different plans. Of late, very often my husband asks me why we are in this situation and why is God making us cry, despite regular prayers, never harming others and only wishing good for others. It’s a tough question as I have no answer and deep in mind, probably I have the same question. I have felt that God has always held my hands in difficult times but this time may be he is asking us to solve the problem on our own. Was it because the situation was a result of our actions? The answer is to a large extent “yes”. Since, God only directs and we may not have followed that direction. We are feeling that we have been punished.
I broke out last night silently not willing to letdown my better half. Along my tears, I let the fear go and told myself “this is not the end of world”. There are many people who suffer more than this. The world knows that mid June rain in India left thousands dead and homeless. It’s half a month and news reports confirm people still waiting to be evacuated. Here I question myself…Is my life worse than theirs? I know it’s not. So I am praying a little more than I do regularly and at the same time asking each one of you to pray for us to get over this period. This is another lesson for us.